I am still around

I am sorry if you have been looking for me. I haven't posted but that doesn't mean that I haven't been reading God's word. I have just been involved with a program called First Place. It is designed to help us keep our focus on God and His being 'First Place' in our lives. It is a weightloos/fitness/nutrition/Bible Study/Prayer based program. I joined a group of other women traveling this road. It requires 7 days/week of quiet time (involving Bible Study, prayer, Scripture reading and memory work), at least 5 days a week of physical activity, and I must record EVERYTHING that I eat. It has been a great time of fellowship/support/encouragement from the other ladies in the group. I have learned A LOT. And I have changed the way I look at food. I was totally oblivious to the fats in my usual diet. I am really trying to change the way I cook and choose my foods. I was not excited about starting this program, especially when I learned of the food record I would have to keep (and turn in each week) the weekly weigh-ins, and the nutritional allotments I would have to work around. But I also knew that God was calling me, no make that 'demanding' me to sign up. I started the program, kicking and screaming in rebellion, but within the first week God had changed my heart. I actually look forward to those weigh-ins and the weekly meetings. Most of us arrive early, and we spend quite a bit of time laughing as we share experiences and lessons learned. It was set up to be a 10 week program but as that time period is drawing to an end many of us are already planning on how we will continue with it. I am down 20lbs so far with more to go. I had the joy of packing up my size 16 clothing for donation and look forward to doing the same for my size 14s before the end of the summer. I have been blessed with accountablity and encouragement from my spiritual sisters and my husband who is also working on losing weight. God has blessed me beyond measure and I look forward to seeing what He has planned for me. Obedience may not be fun at first glance but it brings the truest joy.

returning.....

I have not posted for a while, as you can see. I have not stuck to it. And I can feel it. I have lost that sweetness, joy, and close tie (not with this blog but with my close walk with the Lord. Why do I do it, allow myself to seek my own pleasures when I know that the real joy is in obedience. Those fleeting pleasures are paid for in many ways. My body and spirit carry the consequences and it isn't worth it.

Today I read Philemon, a short book written by Paul while imprisoned for preaching the Gospel. He tells Philemon that Onesimus is returning to them. Apparently, Onesimus was a slave that ran away from them and may have even stolen from them. They are to not only allow Onesimus to return gut they are to welcome him back as they would welcome Paul himself, not as a slave, but as a brother, a fellow believer. Any wrongs that he may have done are to be charged to Paul. Once a run away slave, perhaps a thief, now referred to as "beloved brother", not because of what Onesimus did, but because of Paul's request. I too, can look forward as being accepted and forgiven. I am even "beloved of God" because I have an advocate, one who has accepted me and has taken on the cost of my sins. I can return to the welcoming arms and sweet joy of Him who loves me. and so I return........

gee, I had this post all typed out this morning but then had computer trouble and lost it all. Oh well, I still had my time in the word Titus 2:11-15 It is about how we are to be denying ungodliness and worldly desires (ooo, that's a hard one) and to live sensibly, righteoulsy and godly in the present age. The last verse in this chapter "Thse things speak and exhort and reprove with all authority. Let no one disregard you." reminds us to stand firm, grounded in Him.

I have also had the lyrics to a song going thru my head that ties in well.

Give us clean hands, give us pure hearts
Let us not lift our souls to another (idol)

Oh Lord let us be a generation that seeks
that seeks your face, oh God of Jacob.

Jacob was not the ideal person, but God knew who he could become. A new name, Israel, and a new heart - he became a leader of God's people. Our God is a God of second chances. He offers us a new beginning.

adorn

Titus 2 gives very clear descriptions of how we should live. As an 'older' woman I am to be reverent in behavior (not necessarily stodgey), not a malicious gossip (that is easy to slip into), not a drunk (okay, that's an easy one for me)teaching what is good (I try to do that) encouraging young women to love their husbands, love their children, be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind and subject to their husbands, so that God's word is not dishonored. Gee, kinda dumps some responsibility on me. I'm not only responsible for my own actions and training up my children but I am to be training up other women. So, essentially, that 'mom' thing continues, now instead of the link with my sons it is with young women. I see. I am to still love and guide my sons but they are to be lead by men now. And my husband's job as a father to our daughter has shifted a bit, well I guess it has been in transition for a while. She needs the leading of women now. Her dad will still be her dad, but she is old enough that some of her training now should be by women. When does this transition start? Is it in highschool? Do the teen years just cry out as the time for other adults to become involved in their lives? This isn't a new idea - youth groups are in fact the beginning of that transition. Elementary children have attahments to teachers but not in the same way. Their parents are still their leaders, teachers their friends. But those teen years when kits get restless and seek out other people's ideas. That is a crucial time. Who will they find? Who will they follow? Who will know when they are in the depths of despair (but wearing a mask well) The Lord has opened my eyes, once again, to the need for mentors - old and young, for teens and men & women.

I don't know if He is calling me into that ministry but He has certainly pointed out that I should live my life so that I show "good faith so that they (I) will adorn the doctrine of God our Savior in every resptect. I love that verse (Titus 2:10) I do want my life to adorn, bring extra interest to, the doctrine, teaching, love, of God. Who wouldn't want to be a lil bling for Christ? LOL

Who do I serve?

"Paul, a bod-servant of God and an apostle of Jesus Christ, for the faith of those hosen ofGod and the knowledge of the truth which is accordign to godliness, in the hope of eternal life, which God, who canot lie, promised long ages ago, but at the proper time manifested, even His word in the proclamation wit which I was entrusted according to the commandment of God our Savior..." Titus 1:1-3 Bond servant - what does that mean? I am not sure but it makes me think... I have chosen to have a master. Well, in a way. God is Lord of all, but some of us have chosen to recognize that and live as His servants. But, do I? In my mind and heart the answer is 'yes'. But do I live that way, daily. Do I act as though I am a servant - putting my master's desires before my own? I know that my master deserves the place of honor and I know that my master's leading, wisdom, orders, are the best. But do I live and act that way? As His servant I have been entrusted with the knowledge of godliness and the hope of eternal life. I have that knowledge but do I treat it with honor, as a special gift? I need this daily reminder to deny myself, stop serving me, and keep focused on Him, His desires, not mine. Why am I so often foolish and choose to follow my fleshly desires. How can I so easily turn aside from His path? Deep down in my heart, I want to follow Him, but I stray. "Choose this day whom you will serve" Today - Lord - help me follow, serve, You.

"For the earth will be filled with the knowledge of the Glory of the Lord, as the waters cover the sea." Habakkuk 2:14 Can't you just picture this, standing before the vast oceans. The mighty roar of the waves,the horizon that goes on and on, making your own thoughts small and trivial. We see His glory in His creation and yet many do not know Him. The time will come that even they will see and know His Glory. But will it be too late? Habakkuk wrote this while surrounded with corruption and despair. Yet he was able to see beyond the misery, filth, betrayal. He saw the redemption that is to come. He saw the hope. "Even though the fig trees are all destroyed, and there is neither blossom left nor fruit, and though the olive crops all fail, and the fields lie barren; even if the flocks die in the fields and the cattle barns are empty, yet I will rejoice in the Lord; I will be happy in the God of my salvation. Habakkuk 3:17-18 Not only do I want and cling to that hope, but I want others to have that hope as well. Lord, help me to be usable by you to reach the hearts of those without hope.

No Lions but...

Finishing up the second book of Timothy, Paul speaks of his first time being brought before the judge. No one was there to help him, his friends had run away. Did he accuse those friends of being traitors? No. Did he accuse God of abandoning him? No He prayed that his friends would not be blamed for deserting him. And he stated that the Lord stood with him and that he was able to boldly preach an entire sermon "for all the world to hear". He did not look at the bleakness. He saw the opportunity that God had provided him to share the Gospel. He did not feel alone because he had a close relationship with God and could feel His presence. He saw it all as part of God's plan. How else could the message be shared with these people? "Yes, the Lord will always deliver me from all evil..." does not mean that the road will be an easy one. Paul was writing this from prison. So, did God deliver him from evil? Even in prison Paul was a witness for Christ. Wherever God leads me, I can be used of Him - IF I am focussed on Him so that I know His leading. Can I be as upbeat and cheerful, only seeing the good in His plan, as Paul was? I hope and pray that the answer is 'yes'. After all, as Paul wrote "He saved me from being thrown to the lions."

"To God be the glory forever and ever. Amen" 2Timothy 4:18

Leave nothing undone

Yesterday's reading (yes, I did have some quiet time then but didn't journal about it) again spoke of teaching God's Word. "And so I solemnly urge you before God and before Christ Jesus... to preach the Word of God urgently at all times, whenever you get the chance, in season and out, when it is convenient and when it is not." 2Timothy 4:1-2 So I am still seeing God keep this teaching idea on the front burner of my life. I have already sought out a place to teach. Now I am waiting on God's timing. But God is not calling me to only take this message for meaning Sunday School teaching. As I reread these verses today He highlighted the second part of verse 2 ".... encourage them to do right and all the time be feeding them patiently with God's Word." Feeding them, like a baby, little bits here and there. And then my eyes were brought back to chapter 3 "But you know from wathing me...You know what I believe and the way I lie and what I want. You know my faith in Christ..." My every movement, word, and lack thereof is teaching. Lord, please help me not be an obstacle to your love. Please help me use every opportunity to show YOU to others. May I look back and say as Paul did in 4:7 "I have fought long and hard for my Lord, and through it all I have kept true to Him."

My eyes tear up as I read "Stand steady, and don't be afraid of suffering for the Lord. Brind others to Christ. Leave nothing undone that you ought to do." "My time has almost run out." My mind wanders in many directions. I am going to visit two different loved ones, both facing cancer. One, strong in the her faith, having had surgery the other day for a reoccurrance. The other one, not a believer, who is still recovering from surgery 6 months ago. I don't know if the scripture reading today is a glimpse into one of their lives or not. But I do know that as Paul urged solemnly to Timothy to preach God's Word, stand steady and not be afraid (whether that is about suffering or being ostracized for teaching God's Word)and he also said to LEAVE NOTHING UNDONE THAT YOU OUGHT TO DO. Those are my marching orders. God help me.

When you were a small child you were taught...

Children's Sunday School. Teaching them simple songs, Bible verses and telling them Bible stories. It isn't just babysitting them while the parents are in groups or service. 2Timothy 3:14-15 "But you must keep on believing the things you have been taught. You know they are true for you know that you can trust those of us who have taught you. You know how, when you were a small child, you were taught the holy Scriptures' and it is these that make you wise to accept God's salvation by trusting in Christ Jesus." Paul is telling us that the reasons Timothy knew the teachings to be true are A)he could trust his teachers and B)he was taught the Scriptures as a small child. Of course Jesus has been made real to him, I am not belittling that. But this passage really puts importance on trustworthy teachers and the need for the Scriptures to be taught to small children. When you are feeling low, what songs run thru your head? Is it the latest greatest from the radio? Or do you cling to "Jesus loves me, this I know"? How many Bible characters names can create as vivid a picture in your mind (besides Jesus, Mary & Joseph, and other key people) as Zaccheus? You can easily remember that he was small but he didn't let that get in the way of what he wanted to do, get close to Jesus. He was hated but Jesus saw beyond that He saw the heart and loved him. He was changed because he sought Jesus. So many truths come to mind just because that simple children's song has been planted in my mind. I have been away from children's ministry for quite a while, serving in other ways. But lately the Lord has been burdening my heart, calling me back to it. I wait to see where He leads me.

Don't water down your faith

Reading 2Timothy 4 today gives me a bit of an eerie feeling. It is scarey when you think of what is out there in the world. This is prime politician time so, of course, my mind goes there, but it is all around us, not just in the political realm. Is the anti-christ out there right now? I don't know but from what I see there is a possibility. "But the Holy Spirit tells us clearly that in the last times some in the church will turn away from Christ and become eager followers of teachers with devil-inspired ideas. These teachers will tell lies with straight faces and do it so often that their consciences won't even bother them." This is not far fetched. It is going on every day. Be wary of who you follow. Make sure you truly know the Son of God as your Savior. The verses go on to remind us that Spiritual fitness is far more important than physical fitness. We need to stay in shape so that we are tuned into God and not easily led astray. But these verses also make me think of the importance of reaching people so that they are not led astray. Even people in our churches will turn. It is so easy to go with the flow and accept what is being dished out by these "teachers with devil-inspired ideas". How desensitized are we becoming about homosexuality? How easily do we accept couples living together? Abortions? what else? tolerance of cults and timidity with our own faith? Shape up! The stronger we stand the easier it becomes for others to stand also. Keeping the peace is not what we are called to do.

For Future Generations - by 4Him
...
If we could find a way to preserve our faith
So those who follow us
See the price that was paid
Then maybe when they question
What it’s gonna take to survive
They’ll find the strength to carry on
In what we leave behind

So I won’t bend and I won’t break
I won’t water down my faith
I won’t compromise in a world of desperation
What has been I cannot change
But for tomorrow and today
I must be a light for future generations

Lookin’ in the eyes of the children
Knowing that tomorrow is at stake
When the choice is up to them
Will they have the strength to say

We won’t bend and we won’t break
we won’t water down our faith
We won’t compromise in a world of desperation
What has been we cannot change
But for tomorrow and today
We must be a light for future generations

Soldier, Athlete, Farmer

2Timothy 2:3-7 Use the illustrations of these three: the soldier who takes on the suffering, and persecution yet still fights on for the cause. He also does not let his interests in worldly affairs distract from his focus on his leader. The athlete who must follow the rules or be disqualified. And the farmer who earns a large crop by his hard work. Verse 7 "Think over these three illustrations and may the Lord help you to understand how they apply to you." The verses above this section seem to appeal to me more as Paul is telling Timothy to be strong with Christ's strength and teach others those things. Teach these great truths, pass them on to others. Since I am waiting to see if I am to be teaching Sunday School this seemed to be the Scripture message for today. But then I get to the part of these three illustrations and the words telling me to think on this and ask for how they apply to me. Persecution is not a topic that gives helps me start the day off with a lot of enthusiasm. But what it does bring to mind is a friend who is now facing a reoccurance of cancer. She has a battle before her. What can I do to help? Well, certainly, prayer. And not the lip service type of raising her name to the Lord. But the deep down, all heart, crying out to the Lord for help. I also think of a missionary friend. But what does the Lord have in store for me? Am I ready to be His soldier, ready to face sacrifice and persecution and still press on in His army? The athlete part has me stumped. Following the rules, but I like to step outside the box and try things a new way. That's now bad and I don't think that is what is being addressed here. Following the rules of Christ - love the Lord your God and love others. I do break those rules when I put Me before God and others. I have to think on this some more. The farmer, to me, is definitely a good example of a hard worker - a trait that I am sorely missing. I pray that my mind with continue to ponder these illustrations throughout the day to see what God's is calling me to.

"It is He who saved us and chose us for His holy work, not because we deserved it but because that was His plan long before the world began - to show His love and kindness to us through Christ.... Hold tightly to the pattern of truth I taught you, especially concerning the faith and love Christ Jesus offers you. " 2Timothy 1:9,13 God's master plan included me, with all my faults and weeknesses. He knew me so He equipped me to fit in His plan. Why me? I totally don't deserve it. I see that Paul, in his letter to Timothy, was thinking that same thing. Even Moses questioned God's choice of him. He wasn't a leader by any of today's standards, or even of those times. I always looked at my sister as the 'artist' in the family. So why am I used this way? Why have I been given the crown of a child of the King? I don't desreve any of it and I certainly would not of been chosen by anyone else for this life. Sally Klein O'Conner sings a song reflecting on the same thing.
"He wants improbable people for impossible tasks
Don’t assume He hasn’t gathered all the facts
Just trust that He’ll help you through all that He asks
Improbable people for impossible tasks "
I need to focus on what He wants me to do, remembering that I am sooooo not the right one to do this - without Him. The only reason I can be an artist, or a princess, is Him. That is so plain and simple and my head knows it so well but I put that aside at times and forget that I am sooo unworthy, untalented, improbable. Please let me never forget that and yet, when you call for me to do a task let me truly trust in the abilities you have given me. "Guard well the splendid, God-given ability you received as a gift from the Holy Spirit who lives within you." 2Timothy 1:14

Pray much

This morning I was, once again reading 2Timothy and there it was, again, "Pray much for others". I have been seeing some answered prayers lately and also learn of more prayer needs. I have been sending prayers up but now I am starting to think that I have been surface praying. Kind of like lip syncing. Saying the words, caring for them, but how much heart action have I put into it. I am doing a skit on Sunday about the Lord's prayer. I have done this skit before and on the surface it is a humorous lil thing but it does have some good points. But I think God is telling me that it is more true about my praying style than I want to acknowledge. I've had a bit of a knot in my gut about practicing this skit. And now I see why. God is calling me to a deeper prayer life. No more lip service.

Power, love, and discipline

Okay, no excuses. Can't get away with saying that I'm shy, weak, or whatever. That isn't true. I have been equipped. The Holy Spirit isn't shy, weak, or whatever. "For God has not given us a spirit of timidity, but of power and love and discipline" 2Timothy 1:7 Power, love and discipline - there it is clear as day. I have them in me because of the indwelling Spirit. I can't wimp out with some feeble excuse. He has given me all the power I need for whatever is before me. I have His love to share, that means compassion too. And there's a killer, discipline ! Self control, willpower, call it what you will but it says in the Bible that I have it - when I rely on the Holy Spirit. That is a toughie. Lately I haven't had any will power or self discipline, especially concerning food. But I do have it, He has equipped me with it, I just need to call on Him to take control. My flesh is weak but He has given me the gift of the Spirit to take care of that. So, why don't I? Why don't I let the Spirit take control? I know in my head when I am doing wrong. So why can't I get a grip and do the right thing? Easy answer - who am I letting control my life, my actions? Going back to that song that I blogged about last week, do "I surrender all"? um, no, not really. Its about that daily thing I am suppose to do - deny thy self. Choosing to do that on Sunday, after hearing a wonderful sermon, doesn't do it. It has to be a daily thing. And what better way than to start each day focusing on Him so that I am in tune and open to hear Him. Lord, let this day be one for You. May my life reflect the love, power, and discipline that you have equipped me with. Help me to surrender my all.

I'm not worthy

We had a sweetheart dinner tonight (okay technically it is no longer Saturday, but let's just count this as such) and one of the speakers talked of someone saying that they were not worthy of the love of his family and wife. That got me thinking. I am not worthy of the love of my husband. You see, I know me, I know the inner me. I know that I am not worthy. But he loves me, me with all my faults. His love is a gift to me. It is God that has given that love, to him and to me. We were made for each other. That isn't just a cutsie phrase, it is fact. Before we were born we were in God's plan. He created us to be the perfect match for each other. Like puzzle pieces that have the right shape, and alone are not complete. THAT is God's gift to us. When I stop and think of it - I am so unworthy of such a gift. But so thankful for it.

What's is yet undone?

"I command you before God ....That you fulfill all He has told you to do" 1Timothy 6:13-14
uh oh, that word "command", can't ignore that, can't just hop, skip and jump to the next passage, one that is easier. Nope, there it is in black and white (and a bit of yellow from my highlighter) - do, and finnish, what He has called you to do. Okay, well I didn't go back to the Mission to finnish the relief stenciling that I started yesterday (which, frankly, went very well despite my concerns but because of His control). Let's just say that I whimped out because of the weather. True my back and legs were crying out last night. But I am a fair weather bird when it comes to going down to the Mission. It is 19 miles each way. I am glad that I cleaned up the area yesterday, rehanging pictures, moving furniture back, and put the ladder into a corner behind a partition. I also checked in with staff and found out that there was no problem with my holding onto the supplies until I was done. I am planning on returning. The stenciling is just over half done, now I have the trickier areas around obstacles, but I think the stenciling can be completed in one more day. It looks like I should really make it a priority to do that on Monday.

But my heart still isn't settled. God is telling me that there is more. I have a large project that I started many years ago that I haven't completed. It isn't impacting anyone else, which is the excuse for not working on it. But I did say it was a project I was going to do and I haven't finnished it. It has been on my mind lately too. I guess God has been trying to nudge me for a while but I haven't been listening. urrrgh, this is not something I want to go back to. But I know that there will be joy when done AND I bet there will be joy while completing it. So why do I stall? Because I am me, lazy, wanting to play with other stuff. Kind of a been there done that, it won't be anything new so why go back? Why??? Because He is calling me to go back to it. Because I need to "fulfill all He has told" me to do, "so that no one can find fault" with me.

Okay, so that project needs added to my activities. Geepers, watchout what you ask for. When you start giving God a chance to be heard, for example: quiet time, He listens and talks to you.

Put These Abilities To Work

Wow, He really knows how to call and how to encourage. Here I am ready to head out to the Rescue Mission to do wome more decorating. I am really concerned about this project. My plan is to do some relief stenciling. I have cut the stencils, but because this is for relief I had to use thick plastic and burn the design. That left very rough edges and I have spent quite a bit of time cleaning those up. I don't know how this stencil will work out. How easy will it be to fill in the areas that had to be the bridges in the stencil? Are my openings too big? Are the spaces between too small? Will the stencils hold up to the plaster? This is a big room. And my biggest concern - will I hold up? I have to work on ladders, up and down, up and down - 10 feet high ! I am dreading this but willing to do it because that is what I feel I am suppose to do. So, here I am, all packed up, ready to call to have the ladder made available - basically commiting myself to the project today. I sit down here and open my Bible.

"Be sure to use the abilities God has given you ...Put these abilities to work; throw yourself into your tasks so that evweryone may notice your improvement and progress. Keep a close watch on all you do and think. Stay true to what is right and God will bless you and use you to help others." 1Timothy 4:14-16

Those words just popped out at me when I opened up. Coincidence? I think not! My eyes immediately teared up. My God knows me, and He knows my fears. Yes, I am encouraged that He will be with me thru this task. But what is even more important to me is that He loves me so much that He speaks to me, when I listen, and touches me. He is my Father thru and thru. What an AWESOME gift.

The important exercise

"Spend your time and energy in the exercise of keeping spiritually fit. Bodil exercise is all right, but spiriual exercise is much more important and is a tonic for all you do. So exercise yourself spiritually and pracitice being a better Christian, becaues that will help you not only now in this life, but in the next life too." 1Timothy 4:7b-8 My dad has been a big exercise advocate and inspiration. He started running at 50 and is still doing so 25 years later. I know I am a disappointment to him in that area. I don't like running, never have, even tried it for a few months once. But that is also an excuse. I have been dancing some lately, for a bit of exercise, but mostly it is because it is fun and I can bring smiles to others with it. I tap dance with a group of senior ladies. We dance at nursing homes and the like. But it really hasn't been much of a workout. Oh sometimes it is. I certainly work up a sweat when we have dance outs since we practice the whole show first at our studio and then go to the location. But the classes and practices don't usually use up too much energy. The rest of my time I seem to spend sitting. I am trying to get back to my paintings but that has been slow. So I have not been getting very good grades in the physical exercise department.

How about the spiritual department? As the scriptures say, that is profitable for the here and now PLUS the hereafter. Am I working on my spiritual fitness? I am trying to. This blog is one area that I am working on my spiritual fitness. By recording entries here that stem from my quiet time, I am, in a way, holding myself accountable to do my quiet time Bible reading. And not just reading the scriptures but also typing and hoping/praying that God helps me see what I am to be learning from the reading. I have found that God often speaks to me when I am typing. It may sound odd but the words often flow without pre-thought. Don't get me wrong, I am in NO way identifying with the writers of the scriptures in whom God breathed the words. But I think this is how God can speak to not only me but to others as well. Many times it has been while I am writing a script for a skit or program. It has also happened when writing letters. I am not a good conversationalist but I think God has called me to be open to His leading when I am writing. This may seem to be getting off track, but am I? My writing opens me up to God's leading. I am focusing on what He wants of me. I am tying it to my quiet time and it is getting me to be much more regular with that. So maybe, just maybe this workout that my fingers are getting typing these words is helping with my spiritual fitness. now, if it would only help with my physical fitness too. Maybe if I could set up the laptop with a treadmill.....LOL Okay, so maybe these are just the daily steps that will eventually lead me to where He wants me to be... I can accept that. Of course doing some physical activity won't hurt either.

Here are My directions

Can you get any clearer than that? 1Timothy 2:1 "Here are My directions: Pray much for others; plead for God's mercy upon them; give thanks for all He is going to do for them." (LB) This is not something on God's wish list. It is a command. I'm sure He isn't looking for lip service here either. He wants up to bear it in our hearts. When we feel for others, connect to them in the heart, lift their needs to Christ, we are bonding the family of God. I stop and think of how my heart has cried out, at times, for others to know Him or to be touched by God. At times that cry has come from the gut full of desperation and pleading. Is that any different from what Jesus does on my behalf each and every day? Does He moan with aching when I stray? Do tears come to His eyes when I don't listen to His call? And does His eyes tear up with joy when I seek His will and DO it? His love for me is sooo much deeper than I can ever fathom. My love for others pales in comparison. But the more I love others, the more of a glimpse I get of His love, the more open I become to be filled with His love. A sponge can be used to soak up moisture but it also can be used to squeeze our moisture. I have soaked up His love, now I mus let that love out on others - He will replenish it. "This is good and pleases God our Savior, for He longs for all to be saved and to understand this truth: That God is on one side and all the people on the other side, and Christ Jesus, Himseld man, is between them to bring them together by giving His life for all mankind. This is the message which at the proper time God gave to the world. And I have been chosen - this is the absolute truth - as God's minister and missionary to teach this truth to the Gentiles, and to show them God's plan of salvation through faith" 1Timothy 2:3-7 We have all been chosen, as believers, to be missionaries, to reach out and share His love. Here are your directions.

Can I Surrender?

"How thankful I am to Christ Jesus our Lord for choosing me as one of His messengers, and giving me the strength to be faithful to Him...." 1Timothy 1:12 I don't know the full extent of His purpose for me. This writing may only server to solidify His message to me. Or it may be used to reach others, that is not for me to know at this time. I am just to continue, at this point, to put in words the thoughts He brings to my mind.

One thing that I want to share, or at least note so that I have a reference to it, is the lyrics to a song that we sang yesterday. I have heard it said that Christians don't tell lies, they sing them. That refers to singing words to songs without stopping to think if those words are true to me, at that very time. This is a very powerful song - if you do a personal review and make sure that the words you sing really are true.

I Surrender All words by Judson Van DeVenter 1896
All to Jesus I surrender All to Him I freely give;
I will ever love and trust Him, In his presence daily live.
I surrender all, I surrender all; All to thee, my blessed Savior,
I surrender all.

How is that for making you shake in your boots? Can anyone really sing that song. Well, not on our own merits. There is no way that I can declare that I can surrender everything. I wish I could do that. But I have this knack of going back to my old ways, greed, selfishness, laziness, worldly possessions. I want to follow Him, I even want to give it all to Him. But I am weak and I have to DAILY ask for His help and His forgiveness. But He is a faithful, loving God, who understands me far better than I do myself. I can sing that song because my heart is singing it, though my flesh is weak and will, again, stumble and fall. But, hopefully, each time I fall it isn't as far or for as long as in the past. I hope that I am growing more like what He has called me to be.

Here is another part of a song from yesterday's service:

Made To Worship by Chris Tomlin
chorus
You and I were made to worship
You and I are called to love
You and I are forgiven and free
When you and I embrace surrender
When you and I choose to believe
Then you and I will see who
we were meant to be

Choosing to surrender, helps me be who He has called me to be. How about you?

God Calls

God speaks, He is there calling to me all the time. But am I trying to hear Him? You may be in a crowded room and just hear all the noise, or you can focus on one voice and still hear. The voice hasn't changed, your focus has. Today He called to me by way of a marker in my Bible. I don't remember ever putting that in there. I don't remember when I highlighted those verses. But it got my attention, I mean "He" got my attention. The marker was in the book of Hosea, um when did I read the book of Hosea? This is the Living Bible, not the NIV that I use for church, or the NASB that I use for Precepts Bible study. So, when and why was I reading Hosea in this Bible? Well, it really doesn't matter. God called me to read it today. Wow, take a look at those verses: "Hear the Word of the Lord, O people of Israel." (this is important, pay attention)"The Lord has filed a lawsuit against you listing the following charges: There is no faithfulness' no kindness, no knowledge of God in your land. You swear and lie and kill and steal and commit adultery. There is violence everywhere, with one murder after another. That is why you land is not producing; it is filled with sadness, and all living things grow sick and die; the animals, the birds, and even the fish begin to disappear. Don't point your finger at someone else, and try to pass the blame to him!. ..... My people are destroyed because they don't know me..." When I first read this I thought "wow, this sounds like the world today. They are unfaithful, they lie, they steal, they commit adultery." That is true but that is not why He wanted me to read these verses today. Its not "they" "they" "they". Its "me". True, I haven't killed anyone and my husband is the only one in my life. But have I put other things before loving my husband? Have I spent more time with my computer than with him? (adultery) Have I spent money on frivolous stuff and then concealed it from him? (stealing and lying) Have I put email higher on my priority list than quiet time with the Lord? (adultery, unfaithfulness) And those words in vs4 "don't point the finger at someone else" woa, can't just skim thru that. Okay, Lord, you got my attention. But geepers, I don't think I can fix all of this. But with you I can. I had other verses highlighted on those 2 pages. Chapter 6 vs3 "Oh, that we might know the Lord! Let us press on to know Him, and He will respond to us as surely as the coming of dawn or the rain of early spring." and vs6 "I don't want your sacrifices -- I want your love' I don't want your offerings -- I want you to kow Me." He calls me with a loving heart. I can just feel the disappointment I have caused Him. But I also know that there is joy in my returning to Him. How deep the love of God.

Fan into Flame

"For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God which is in you..." 2Timothy 1:6 NIV

This verse speaks of reviving, fueling, your faith, and dedication. The Holy Spirit comes to live within us when we become children of God. But do we live like it? Do we feel it? Do we set aside ourselves and let Him fill us?

When you fan a flame you are gently supplying oxygen to fuel the fire. Too much force and you will rob the fire of whatever oxygen it has thus putting it out. I have been given Gifts, spiritual gifts, that I am to use. What have I been doing to fan into flame those gifts. What have I done nourish and build up the flame? He has given me tools to use but if I use them the wrong way am I fanning into flame or putting the fire out. Lately I have been using the tools but the flame has not been growing.I have been spending way too much time for so little accomplishment, too little directed the right way. I want to change that, right now, with this posting. I pray that I will use the tools, that He has provided, to help the gifts that He has blessed me with, and purposed me with. He has made me for a purpose. He has equipped me. Now I need to kick it in gear and get back to where I belong - using these tools to better use the gifts He has armed me with.

My computer, yes it is a tool along with all of my art supplies. I need to spend more time using it, as a tool, to fan into flame my gift of creative communication. I need to be doing more artwork which focuses on and gives glory to God. I need to share what the Word teaches me, even if no one reads this blog. I need to start that faith book that He has put on my heart. I need to start planning lessons for the children's program. I need to start writing the skits that He keeps putting in my head/heart. He has equipped me with the tools and the gifts. It is up to me to Fan Into Flame The Gift of God so that others may know, really know, Him.

May I never forget that the only way to use the tools/gifts for His glory is to be tuned in to Him for His guidance. In 1Timothy 1:1 I read where Paul was writing to Timothy and stated that he, Paul, was a "missionary of Jesus Christ, sent out by the direct command of God our Savior and by Jesus Christ our Lord". Wow, I thought, to have such clear direction from God is awesome. But that is available for me as well. Its just that I have muddied up the communication by not trying to listen to Him. How much time have I spent with Him in private, quiet time? How much time have I spent reading His love notes, the Scriptures? How much time have I spent in prayer without a list of prayer requests but rather with a heart waiting and wanting to hear Him? He has been the faithful one, waiting for me to get my head straight. Lord, thank you for not giving up on me, for loving me more than I deserve. I want to be "sent out by the direct command of God" that clear direction, knowing your purpose for my life and following it fully.

Right here, right now. Look out world, things are gonna heat up !

to Mac, or not to Mac

- that is the question. whether it be right to pay forth more for such a system or more wise to save with another. Okay, I have researched this to death. And I am still undecided. Mac, Vista, or XP What shall my new laptop be? MacBook would be a dream come true. But face it any laptop with more than my current .75gig of Ram and 40, yes that's 40, gig of hard drive would be a dream. I have to choose wisely because I want to be happy with my decision for the next 3,4 or 5 years. With a Dell 1520 I can get XP, Vista can be on a Toshiba (my current brand which I have been pleased with) or a Gateway (current sale makes this tempting) or shall I spring for the ultimate OS, a Mac. My requirements are 2 gig of ram (I use photoshop and other graphic intensive programs) and I am looking at 250 gig drives (I am currently maxed out with 40gig onboard and 160 gig external drive). Photos and digital scrapbooking supplies take up a lot of space. Yes, it would be cheaper to use a desktop but I love, love, love the portability. To me, that is important. That is why I have been using my 15" laptop instead of the desktop with dual monitors. Those monitors don't fit in my carry on bag too well.

The Mac costs more and would require me to use my windows software within a virtual windows environment, such as Parallels or VMware Fusion. And since I can't afford to upgrade my photoshop software, that is one of the programs in that virtual environment. FotoFusion is not available in a Mac version so it would have to stay virtual as well. And I have just started using ACDSee which is also not available in Mac. BUT Mozy, my online backup, is now offering a beta for a Mac version! Since I still have 9 months on my subscription for Mozy, that was good to hear. The MacBook is small, 13" size, which is awesome for portability but not so great for my aging eyes and graphics work. BUT DD is not using a nice LCD monitor since she has left her desktop at home and only took her laptop to college. She is allowing me to 'borrow' it for the time being. So the plus of small size portability and a nice 19" monitor sounds like an awesome setup to me. DS will be around this weekend and said he will install windows pscs on his Mac so that I can see if it is too slow in the VMware Fusion setting. I hope he can bring an adapter so I can try out the monitor thing too.

Now that Gateway laptop deal needs to be considered too. It would mean using Vista, which I have dreaded. But it would be half the price of the MacBook. 3gig ram, 250 gig drive and a pretty red laptop. I can't dismiss it. Yes, I know it is like comparing a chevy to a mercedes but this chevy had decent stuff. And I could buy a new chevy way sooner than getting a new mercedes. Hehehe, DH has dreamed of owning a mercedes. We even have a penny jar towards it. But we keep getting those Fords and Chevys.

DS1 and DS2 are both Mac guys, so too is DIL. DS3 is linux but recommends the Mac for me. DD is hoping to get a Mac come Aug after her summer of work. Whether 'tis nobler to join the fam or stand alone................... to be continued in a future post. (soon, I hope)